For those gym-going bloggers among us, I'm sure you have certain gym-centric pet peeves like I do. I often feel the need to throw a dumbell in the face of many a dumbass. Dumbasses who:
Peeve #1: Don't wipe their dirty cootie drenched sweat from the bench or machine. Why do some idiots workout in a string cotton vest that barely covers their niples? Wear a shirt that covers you! If you feel the compulsion to show us your frickin' pecs, at least carry a towel!
Peeve #2: Frickin' camp out on the equipment, particularly when it's busy. Too many times I see these skinny pukes trying to squat 400lbs, taking 3 days to finish a set. If you can't lift it, go home and let someone who can do it!
Peeve #3: Don't put the dumbells back! You see those little numbers on the rack? And those on the dumbells? They're there so you can do the basic task of putting them back in the correct spot. It doesnt just denote how much it weighs, it's TO TELL YOU WHERE TO PUT IT!
Peeve #4: If you must wear spandex, for the love of all that is sacred, be in shape! Why do I need to see your tootsie rolls hanging and failing to the forces of gravity? While I'm on the topic, what's with these fucking queers who need to be color-coordinated with their immaculate immovable coifs?
Peeve #5: Every gym I've been to has lockers and a locker room. Hmmmm! Let's see, why don't I lug around my 50lb gym bag while I workout? Hmmmm! Why can't I afford a locker for 25 cents (let's assume I don't even own a lock)? Hmmmm! Maybe someone will trip over my bag, break their leg, and my response is "Oops, so sorry." Hmmmm! Maybe I need them to see that my gym bag is the same brand of Nike as my hat, shorts, shoes and socks?
By the way, these dumbasses are always guys, chicks never inappropriately or incorrectly use equiptment (well, almost never).
9 comments:
OK...here are mine.
1. Trainers who are completely incompetent. How in the world can these guys stand among their peers and let clients do moves that are literally physically dangerous? How can a trainer have the same client for 3 years, whose ass is the size of a Yugo, and put up with her making ZERO progress.
2. Gym owners who don't care. (O.K. this one is very gym specific) The owner of our gym got it in her divorce settlement. She treats the whole thing as a major annoyance and is abusive to her employees. She shows up at noon and leaves at three. Bitch.
3. Music. In a trainer gym the music matters since the clients can't get lost in their iPods. In order to break a statemate that had been going on between the gay clients and the black clients we now listen to disco every morning. DISCO!
4. Drugs. We have a steroid dealer and an ecstacy dealer openly operating in our gym. Now I harbor no ill will toward either (the dealers or the stuff) but a little discretion would be nice.
5. Breeders. Go away.
I used to work out at your 24 Hour when it first opened. Great gym! Best workout floor in L.A., but the dumbell problem is as much the gym's fault as the clients. I worked out there at opening time and would be the first on the floor. The dumbells would be strewn all over the floor. The night shift wouldn't put them away and the morning shift wouldn't either. I finally got so annoyed with parking and the overcrowding during the day I left. And the constant sales pressure...God! There was also a slightly "sketchy" quality about the crowd in the evenings that made me nervous, but then this is L.A.
Here's mine:
1. Music - as Mitch said, you need it. If the Boo and I are working out together we aren't listening to our mp3s. Therefore please have music and play it loudly - at Golds here on the weekend there is never anyone there (HEAVEN!) but it is as quiet as a tomb! Not motivating!
2. Poop - Unless it is an emeregency I ask that all those bodybuilding roidmonsters please poop before arriving at the gym. You can't take a pre-workout whizz without some overpumped dude squishing away in the can and filling the whole lockeroom with some nasty creatine-too-much-protein-shake stank. I know when the spirit moves you sometimes you got to do your thing, but you see the same guys shitting there on a regular basis. Nasty! (Note to Golds: You could at least get us an exhaust fan!)
Good Gym Etiquette:
1. Staying home - I love Thursday - Sunday night. Everybody is focused on happy hour or the weekend, leaving the gym empty - which is bliss b/c weak geeks like me can do a bench press in peace and without regulars staring daggers at me while I put up my small amount of weight (no offense Diesel, I'm always as quick as the next guy but the "big boys" always think they have exclusive right to the free weights... sorry they are the slowest and the biggest hoggers in my Golds out here...)
2. Asking before you automatically work in. The good guys do this, it is very courteous.
You've left out one of my most annoying pet peeves - MONDAYS.
I'm sorry these people feel all guilty about not working out over the weekend, eating too much, being too lazy. I somehow got my sorry butt to put in some cardio and/or weight training over the weekend.
That being said, do not make the only guilt day you make to the gym on Monday, when every other sorry creature with a membership flops in for some half-hearted attempt at a workout that ends up doing nothing for them and simply delays/annoys/interrupts my normal workout that happens to fall on a Monday.
I don't see their flabby ass on a Thursday-Sunday. The last thing I want to deal with is seeing a hundred extra of their flabby asses on a Monday.
Hey guys, first thanks for the feedback, Im new at blogging and Matt is a great teacher, you guys are great. Tos, to answer your comment, Yes. I believe that most bodybuilders are the curteous types. I also believe that EVERYONE has a right to the equiptment. I just have issues when the equiptment is used wrong. Also, kudos on the preworkout shit. I absolutely believe in keeping my stank at home, where it belongs. LOL
Diesel
For reference, here is a handy chart for those who can't seem to figure out where to put the plates on that little pyramid thingee after finishing a set:
2.5 lbs. go here 35s here
5 lbs. go here
10 lbs. 45s here
25 lbs.
Please print and take with you to the gym. If you get stuck, ask someone.
I LOVE the WeHo 24 Hour Fitness! It's like having your own private gym! I always go at night - late, and there are about 15 people in the entire gym.
Sure, there are - what seems, sixty people in the lockeroom... but as long as you keep your eyes down and your iPod cranked up, you hardly notice the 95 year old 250 lb man checking you out. Or mind raping you.
Shame on all of us... we forgot the worst sin of all...
CELLPHONES on the gym floor.
Thankfully my gym is a concrete fortress that blocks any and all cell phone service... I gave up on Results b/c I couldn't workout properly...
Hearing 15 different queens giving out their best creme brulee recipes while panting on the treadmill is more than anyone should have to bear! ;-)
My biggest pet peeve at the Gold's here in San Francisco are the creepy guys who never work out at all and simply hang around the locker room. I swear there is this guy at my gym who is always in the locker room...naked...and he looks just like Gollum. He must have set the world record for longest shower/toweling off time. Freak!
LOVE the pic of Miss Coco.
My peeves:
Cell phones. Can't you go for an hour or so without gabbing non-stop on your phone? I'm not impressed. Every one, age 5 through dead have a cell phone.
Focus on your workout, not what Tiffany said to Brittany to John-john and Bryce. I DON'T CARE.
People who hide the timer on the cardio machines. The posted sign at my 24 Hour Fitness says "30 min limit per type of machine if all machines are taken. This includes warm up and cool down."
I read that anything over 20 min was just burning empty calories. Not sure if it's true but... a 30 minute limit is a 30 minute limit. Covering your timer does not sit well with me. I want to get in, work out, get out. If I suspect you're going over your 30 min, trust me, it won't be pretty.
I've ripped several new openings on people who violate this rule. I hate to say it but 99% of the time it's women... on cell phones.
Please don't linger in the shower acting like a complete perv. If you're gonna lur, be descreet. I'll still glare at you. If you're hanging in the showers and more than three people come in, shower, leave... YOU AIN'T GONNA SCORE. Go someplace else.
Have a nice, fit, healthy day!
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