After watching Kathy's new reality show on Bravo, and the tyreless way she power-walks up and down Runyon Canyon (not unlike WeHo Mark), I realized that to succed in this town I desperetely need a Personal Assistant. My own Jessica, a helping-hand, general dog's body and sometime puppy poop scooper. Naturally, my future PA should fit seamlessly into my exhausting routine, as such the Craig's List posting will include the following:
- No taller than 5'11" (I don't want to appear excessively short and he must fit in my MINI)
- Between 185 and 225 lbs (all muscle), with several Personal Training certifications under his 32" belt (that way he fulfills 2 much needed rolls - as Kathy showed us, D-Listers always spend wisely and get as much free crap as possible)
- An indept knowledge of the Buffy and Star Wars universes (and the whereabouts of all local Toys R Us stores)
- Prior experiance at Extreme Blendz
- Superior spelling (If he's best friends with Tori, that's a big plus!)
- No pretty boyz need apply (I don't want Tom or Rupert steeling him)
If you know of any suitable candidates, especially if they look anything like this...
Please send them in my direction!
(Salary is based on experience! References required!)
4 comments:
Ummmm dear, the first one is a brighter shade of orange than that $0.99 ghetto orange soda they sell at my corner store... come on bro, I like muscles are much as the next guy, but what is the deal with the day-glow skin?
Did you notice that on game night with her gays that Lance Bass was in attendance?
Perhaps we'll find one this weekend at Faultline...
(preferably in a more soothing, less orangey color that will flatter your own coloring).
That first guy looks like he dipped himself into Mrs. Butterworth.
Need a personal assistant? Give Kim Fields a call -- I hear she is looking for work.
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